


The One With The Kids

by simperino



Series: Found Super Family [1]
Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Video Game 2018), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Dadpool, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Kid Fic, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Mutual Pining, Peter Parker is a Mess, Trust Issues, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, Wade Wilson is a Good Dad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26503663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simperino/pseuds/simperino
Summary: “Mr. Parker-“ The VP tries to coax the livid man into a more relaxed demeanor but fails.Wade mentally notes that if he didn’t have a healing factor, he’d need to chug an entire bottle of Advil after this meeting.(Or: The Superhero's Single Dads Club is actually really cool, thank you very much.)
Relationships: Felicia Hardy/Peter Parker, Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: Found Super Family [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1926868
Comments: 10
Kudos: 55





	The One With The Kids

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I just want to make it apparent that this is not related to the MCU at all! This is not Tom Holland's Spider-Man and this Peter Parker is not underage. This fanfiction is based on the Spider-Man 2018 video game and the Black Cat Strikes DLC. It also contains spoilers! So if you haven't played that game and you want to, I recommend clicking out of this fanfic. This Deadpool is also based off the comics with some elements from the movies. Enjoy!

Wade knew today was going to be unnecessarily difficult when he rolled out of bed and immediately stepped on a Lego.

“ _Mother-fucking-bitch-shit-on-a-stick,_ ” Wade curses and pries the offending Lego out of the pad of his foot in favor of slipping his feet into a pair of fuzzy, pink slippers.

Then he realized he was out of coffee, which caused him to groan loudly and shoot the accusatory cupboard a nasty look before batting the door closed.

Then Ellie refused to get out of bed, so then she was late for school. 

“Eleanor Camacho, if you’re late to school one more time, it’s gonna be Big Trouble in Little China for you,” Wade warns and taps his foot impatiently while he’s sent to Dopinder’s voice mail. He curses and jabs the ‘end call’ button displayed on his screen before viciously waving his hand to draw the attention of a taxi.

“Whatever, old man,” Ellie ignores him and turns her attention toward a street performer juggling pins and one-by-one lighting each on fire. You can only receive a show like that in New York, at eight in the morning.

“Ooh, girl, you’re gonna get it. Now, get in.” Wade nudges her toward the taxi that screeches to a halt in front of them. Ellie snickers and opens the door and scoots to the end to make room for her father. 

They exit the cab once they arrive at Ellie's school and walk to the office together.

“Don’t do anything dumb, you’re already, like, really late to school,” Wade tells her as they walk up the steps.

“Then why’re you making me go at all?” Ellie asks and swings her and father’s held hands.

“When else am I supposed to get a break from you?” He teases.

“Hey!” She protests but laughs along with her dad.

“But seriously, try not to act up. Only punch someone if they deserve it.”

“O-kay, dad.”

After he signed his daughter into school and waved her off to her classroom, he went back home and got syrup on his last clean shirt while trying to enjoy his pancakes. That accident forces him to haul his and his daughter’s dirty clothes to the laundromat, _which is probably a reminder from the universe to be a responsible parent disguised as a messy inconvenience,_ Wade reasons with himself.

So when Wade picks up a call from Ellie’s school and receives an earful of the vice principal’s nasally voice telling him that his daughter is being suspended for ‘getting in an altercation with another student,’ he admits that it fits the theme of the day. 

Wade retained custody of Ellie for nearly two wonderful years. He abandoned the glamorous lifestyle of a mercenary to live a less attractive life as a not-so-special S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, a part-time vigilante, and a father. He also owes his somewhat-rehabilitation to the Amazing Spider-Man himself and feels forever in debt to him since he now has the privilege of tying his daughter’s shoelaces every morning and tucking her into bed every night. 

After retrieving his clean laundry, Wade dresses appropriately to pick Ellie up from school while still trying to cover most of his skin. His goal is to avoid giving nightmares to any children that have the misfortune of catching a glimpse of him. 

He enters the school’s office and approaches the secretary’s desk to ask which room belonged to the vice principal’s, which was probably unnecessary considering everyone could hear the loud, muffled voices traveling through the hallway and pouring into the otherwise peaceful office.

With a wink cast toward the pretty blonde behind the desk paying more attention to her phone than to Wade, he strolls down the hallway and pops open the door labeled ‘V.P.’ He quickly clicks the door shut behind him when the shouting and arguing does not desist despite his entrance.

Wade surveys the scene set before him: An exasperated man sweating bullets sits behind a battered desk and attempts to retreat into his faded green button-up while whom Wade assumes is the father of whatever twerp Ellie decided to pick a fight with snarls and jabs an angry finger in his direction. 

The infuriated parent glowers behind a frowning boy fidgeting in a cracked, plastic chair. The child holds a bloody tissue to his nose and rubs a bruise darkening on his cheek while his dad continues berating the poor administrator. 

“ _Mr. Parker-_ “ The VP tries to coax the livid man into a more relaxed demeanor but fails. 

Wade mentally notes that if he didn’t have a healing factor, he’d need to chug an entire bottle of Advil after this meeting. He tears his gaze away from the pissed-off-parent- which reminds him of why he avoids the PTA like the plague- and sends a questioning look to his daughter. She only offers a bored shrug in response while baring a busted lip and pressing a leaking bag of ice to her swollen eye. 

Mr. Parker finally pauses his admonishment of the poor teacher- who definitely does not get paid enough to deal with his wrath- when he glances in Wade’s direction. He sets his jaw and glares at him while his iron grasp on the chair his son is miserably sitting in causes the plastic to further crack. 

_I knew my incredibly good looks were good for something._ Wade raises his brows at the angry man standing across from him, who clears his throat, crosses his arms, and looks back at the helpless vice principal with furrowed eyebrows. He must be barely older than thirty. _Cute and uptight,_ Wade decides. 

“Mr. Wilson, thank you for joining us this afternoon,” the VP greets him weakly, causing Wade to roll his eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Wade leans against his own daughter’s seat, unimpressed. “Can you just quickly summarize this little ‘altercation’ and explain why my daughter is being suspended, Mister-” Wade glances down at the gold nameplate sitting proudly on the polished desk and reads ‘Mr. Dobalina,’ “ _Mistadobalina?_ ” The VP gulps while Mr. Parker’s eyebrows attempt to meet his hairline. 

“Y-Yes, your daughter got into a fight with Benjamin here at lunch today. It began as a verbal disagreement and quickly escalated into a physical conflict.” Mr. Dobalina musters out. 

“What were you arguing about?” Wade asks with a sigh while tucking an unruly strand of hair behind Ellie’s ear. 

She makes a face before responding like she knows the answer is stupid and Wade might be disappointed in her. 

“We were arguing about our favorite superheroes,” She mumbles out lamely. Wade doesn’t attempt to stifle the chuckle that escapes his throat. He also catches the icy glare Mr. Parker sends his son. 

“Oh, that’s precious. You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“Does that mean I’m not in trouble?”

“No, you’re definitely in trouble. How long is the suspension?” Wade looks at Mr. Dobalina expectantly while Ellie pouts and crosses her arms. 

“Both Benjamin and Eleanor are being suspended for three days. I just need both parties to sign the appropriate paperwork-“ Mr. Dobalina begins, only to be once again interrupted by Mr. Parker’s arguing.

“That is absolutely _ridiculous!_ My son was _protecting himself,_ why is he being suspended? I didn’t realize it was school policy to prosecute victims, what kind of establishment is this? I will not be signing any paperwork-“ 

“Your son provoked Ellie and matched her punch for punch! It’s only three days, sir, it could’ve been ten. Please, sign the paperwork,” Mr. Dobalina huffs and pushes forward two clipboards with pens. 

Wade hums and clicks the frilly-feathered pen he’s handed to sign the paperwork. He tosses it back onto the desk and knocks over a bobblehead. Mr. Parker makes a noise of irritation before grabbing his clipboard and signing.

“ _Un_ -believable. Let’s go, Benji.” Mr. Parker sets the clipboard down with a clatter before storming out of the office while his son meekly follows behind him.

Wade snorts and grabs his own daughter’s hand, “C’mon, girlie. We should work on some self-defense, cause you’re definitely gonna have that shiner for more than three days. And thanks for totally doing the one thing I asked you to do earlier.” 

Ellie has the decency to wait until they’re at least in the empty hallway to begin arguing. “You don’t understand! He was totally ripping on you! He deserved to be punched ‘cause he called you a shitty Spider-Man ripoff with lamer powers!” She whines and looks up at her father for consolation. 

“Just because someone has a different- although completely incorrect- opinion does not mean you should _attack_ them, Ellie.” He looks down at his daughter with narrowed eyes and watches her puff out her cheeks and look away. “You can’t just punch everyone who disagrees with you.”

“That’s not what _Deadpool_ thinks,” Ellie mutters just loud enough for Wade to hear her. 

“Hey.” He squeezes her hand and leans down to speak at her height. She gazes back at his hardened look nervously. “Maybe _the old_ Deadpool thought and behaved that way, but not your father. Not your _Dadpool,_ okay? Violence is not the answer, I’ve realized that, and so should you.” He stands back up and watches Ellie bite the inside of her cheek and twist her foot guiltily. He softens instantly. 

“How about some ice cream for your lip, hm? For medical purposes only.” Wade tugs her gently down the stairs outside. She immediately brightens, causing a smile to pull at Wade’s pockmarked cheeks. 

“Can we go back to that place uptown?”

“Uh, duh. What other place serves double scoops of that rainbow-unicorn-sprinkle vomit they call ice cream that we both like so much?”

Ellie giggles and leans in closer, “Thanks, dad.”

\- - -

Peter still dreams of the night he ripped open the front of an intermodal container and found a toddler curled up in a thin blanket. 

His first thoughts were _oh my god, oh my god I was too late- he’s dead_ but then the boy lifted his head and Peter saw the biggest, frightened, green eyes and instantly knew he was looking at his son. 

He’ll never forget the first time his son climbed into his numb arms, shaking and wiping a snotty nose on his shoulder. 

He emerged out of the container at the same time Felicia dropped down to meet him.

“Okay, I’ve taken care of all the cronies-” She interrupted herself with a gasp when she noticed the boy in his arms. Peter wordlessly handed him over to his mother and she took him immediately and started to shush his whimpers and hiccups.

“Oh, my baby, it’s okay, mommy’s here.” She held him tightly to her chest and gently combed clawed fingers through sandy blond hair while he softly cried. 

Peter’s throat felt like sandpaper. “Wh-What’s his name?” He asked weakly.

Felicia tore her eyes away from her child to pierce into the eyes of Peter’s mask.

“Benjamin.”

Peter turned away from them and slipped his hands under his mask to wipe at the tears that threatened to spill from his burning eyes. 

“Why?” He croaked with his back still turned, “Why didn’t you come to me? I could’ve helped, I could’ve prevented this.”

“I didn’t want to drop this burden on you, I know you never wanted kids, and-and you kicked me out of the city and got back with Red and-” Felicia frantically tried to reason, but her voice tightened as she continued to speak. She cut herself off with a shuddery breath while Peter struggled to stifle his tears.

“I’m sorry,” is all she managed to wetly say. 

“That’s- that isn’t good enough, Felicia.” The hurt and anger brewing in his stomach gave Peter the courage to turn around and face them. “You put him in danger, he was _kidnapped by the Maggia crime family._ ” Felicia flinched at his angered tone.

“I-I know, but we have him back now, and nothing like this will ever happen again-” Felicia continued to try and contend.

“What am I supposed to tell MJ?” Peter asked exasperatedly and cupped his face in his hands to focus on avoiding a panic attack. Felicia had the decency to remain quiet.

Despite his racing mind swarming with thoughts of betrayal, the idea of MJ leaving him again, and the painful realization that his late aunt will never meet her grand-nephew, Peter realized that now, nothing except his son mattered- not MJ, not Felicia, not _Spider-Man,_ but Benjamin. His son. With a new, determined resolve, Peter dropped his hands and stood up straight.

“Can I hold him?”

With a sniff, Felicia passed Benjamin back to his father. 

Later, Peter brought Felicia and Benjamin back to his apartment to spend the night. In the morning, they argued behind a closed-door about split custody while Benjamin- or Benji, as Felicia fondly called him- watched cartoons and ate Avengers brand cereal. 

MJ packed a bag and decided to stay with a friend while Peter and Felicia hashed out their relationship and avoided going to court by settling on an 80/20 deal. Peter had custody of Benji on weekdays while Felicia would watch him on the weekend. At the end of every month, there was one full week when Benji stayed with him.

Felicia wanted to rekindle their relationship, but Peter was focused on convincing MJ to stay, which failed. 

“Please, MJ, I can’t do this alone-”

“I’m sorry, Peter,” Peter watched her pained expression as she continued to pack, “I- how can you expect me to stay? I can’t be a parent yet- I can’t- how do you think I feel? You always chose her over me, anyway.”

“This isn’t about _Felicia-_ ”

“Yes, it is! Every time she pops back into your life, you always, _always_ have to chase after her. It was your decision to sleep with a criminal right after we ended things, so you can deal with the consequences with your _baby momma._ ” MJ ignored Peter’s protests and didn’t spare a glance at Benji sitting on the couch as she walked past him. She slammed the door behind her.

Despite their explosive breakup, MJ eventually relaxed and agreed to babysit occasionally. Peter also managed to turn down all of Felicia’s advances after they ended their relationship. 

The beginning was rough for both Felicia and Peter. Fortunately, Peter had recently put his degree in biomedical engineering to good use and began working at Stark Industries. He was earning more money and managed to barely afford the cost of being a single father. He was forced to upgrade to a two-bedroom apartment, furnish his son’s bedroom, and buy him more clothes, but he had to stop buying that sugary Avengers cereal Benji was fond of. You’d think the Earth’s mightiest heroes would advertise healthier foods.

Peter knows his aunt would’ve given him the best advice for being a father and would’ve been at his side while he raised Benji, and he’s still upset May will never meet him. He knows she would’ve _adored_ him. He often thought about the parallels of how he’d been dumped onto his unsuspecting aunt and uncle when his parents abruptly died versus how he’s suddenly caring for the son he didn’t know he had for three years.

He learned Felicia named their son after both their late father-figures. His full name is Benjamin Walter Parker and his birthday is on the twelfth of January, making him a Capricorn. 

Felicia also revealed that she’d tested him for the mutant gene when he was born and discovered that he inherited Peter’s super strength and a minor healing factor. She also either failed to mention that Benji could walk on walls or didn’t know, but you can imagine Peter’s surprise when he found his son sleepwalking on the ceiling. 

“Look, I think it’s incredible that we can both do the same kind of things.” Peter crouched down to talk to his son at the same level. He placed his hands on his shoulders in case Benji decided to unstick and fall head-first onto the floor below them. His son looked back at him with furrowed eyebrows and stuck his jaw out a bit further while his hair fell away from his head in the interest of gravity.

“But I just need for you to understand that this isn’t a party trick or something you can show off to your friends. In fact, you shouldn’t tell anyone that you have these abilities, because that could put you in real danger. Understood?” Peter asked him and raised his eyebrows to express his urgency. 

“But… why? I’m not gonna fall…” Benji’s eyes flicked down to the floor below them before looking back at Peter’s.

“Because you have the same abilities as Spider-Man, and you don’t want anyone to make that connection.”

“But, you’re Spider-Man.”

“And what’d we say about talking about that?”

“Not to.”

“ _Ex_ actly. Spider-Man has a lot of enemies who'd want to hurt his son, but that’ll never happen as long as you listen to me and keep these secrets to yourself, okay?” Peter lifts his son into his arms and walks down the ceiling with him. He kisses the side of his head and murmurs into his ear, “You have nothing to be scared of, your dad’ll never let anything happen to you.” 

He put Benji to bed that night confident that he’ll stay true to his word, even though he sometimes still has to mop up footprints on the wall.

Peter also learned that his son’s favorite color is red, he likes mint chip ice cream, he often passes out on the couch with his head tilted back over the cushions, he’s extremely fond of the classic Star Wars trilogy, he excels at math, and his favorite superhero is, of course, Spider-Man.

Okay, Benji actually likes Captain America the most, which Peter understands, but at least Spider-Man is a close second in his son’s heart. Peter has _countless_ photos on his phone of Benji coddled in last year’s Christmas present with Steve’s courageous face plastered on a cotton blanket. 

The years went by quickly and before he knew it, his apartment was littered in framed photographs of Benji, his fridge was covered in report cards, yearbook photos, Crayola drawings, and alphabet magnets, and there is always the hum of cartoons being played on their tiny 32-inch plasma tv. 

It’s here, in the sanctuary they’ve created together for six years, that Peter waits to talk to his son.

“Are you mad at me?” Benji asks after he closes the door to their apartment. 

Peter sighs and combs a hand through his hair before responding, “No.” He watches his son fidget with his hands nervously, “I will never get mad at you for standing up against bullies and defending yourself. And, I get it, running our mouths tends to get us both in trouble. Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” Peter’s reassuring smile proves to be contagious when Benji cracks a little sheepish smile and follows Peter to the bathroom. 

“What I’m not all too happy about, however,” Peter tells his son while he turns on the faucet and waits for the water to warm up. Benji sits on the lid of the toilet and watches his dad soak a washcloth in the lukewarm water. “Is that I don’t know who can watch you during the day.” He crouches down to gently wipe away the blood that caked on the top of his lip. 

“Can’t MJ?”

“No, she has work.”

“Whatta ‘bout Miles?”

“He has school.”

“What about mom?”

Peter sucks in a breath through his teeth, “She’s… out of town. I might have to use up my sick days.” He sighs and tosses the washcloth back into the sink after checking Benji’s knuckles. In actuality, Peter has a big presentation tomorrow, and _Dr. Bruce Banner himself_ is supposed to be one of his evaluators. He can’t miss it.

“Can’t you ask, like, one of your… _superhero friends?”_ Benji whispers.

Peter smiles and bites his cheek, “I’ll figure it out, ok? I always do. Don’t worry about it.” He presses a kiss to Benji’s forehead and claps his shoulder. “This was my lunch break, so I’m gonna call work and tell them I’m taking the rest of the day off.” 

“Okay,” Benji says glumly.

“. . . Do you want me to order a pizza for dinner?”

“From Eddie’s?” Benji asks hopefully.

“Where else?” Peter replies fondly and walks out into the living room with him. “Wanna play Minecraft?”

“Yes! Thanks, dad.” Benji smiles and grabs both of their controllers.

\- - -

“Okay, Ellie-bellie, be good for Al,” Wade tells his daughter as he slides his katanas onto his back. They slip into their holsters with a smooth _schlick_. 

“No promises,” Ellie snarks with a smile and sticks a french fry into her mouth. 

He tussles her hair, causing her to scowl and swat his gloved hand away. 

“Yeah, yeah, get outta here, Wade. We’re trying to finish _Twilight_ tonight,” Al grunts and shuffles around the kitchen.

“Well, don’t have _too much fun_ without me. I’ll be back before you wake up- probably,” Wade bids goodbye and closes the door behind his daughter as she pulls a chair out of the way with her foot so Al doesn’t trip over it. 

Wade shucks open a window and jumps out onto the fire escape. He hikes up onto the roof and begins scaling over the tops of buildings to make his way toward him and Spider-Man’s usual meet-up location.

Once he has the back of his favorite hero in his sights, a giddy smile breaks out across his face and he picks up his rooftop-hopping pace. 

“Spidey!” Wade tries to get a jump on the vigilante, but Spider-Man, with his lightning-fast Spider Senses and strength, catches Deadpool’s arm and sweeps his legs, causing the mercenary to yelp and lay suspended in the air in Spider-Man’s arms. Wade laughs and pulls his friend down with him, earning a delighted chuckle and then a contented gasp of surprise when Wade shifts and raises him into the air. Spider-Man squirms in his arms and laughs as Wade spins them around.

“How’s my favorite little arachnid doing?” He hooks his arm around his neck and noogies his head. Spidey grumbles and pushes Wade’s hands off him. 

“Eugh, stop.” Spidey’s lenses relax as he huffs, “I’m better now that you’re here.”

“Aw, stop, you’re makin’ me blush,” Wade says bashfully and flips his wrist. Spidey chuckles and sobers as his shoulders droop.

“I’m actually kinda stressed.” Wade can hear the frown in his voice. 

“Oh? Do you wanna tell me about it? Or do you wanna kick ass and take names?”

“Kick ass and take names,” He admits, a bit more chipper. 

Wade slaps an arm down on his shoulder and tells him, “Well, what’re we waiting around here for?” and proceeds to shove Spider-Man off the side of the building.

He watches him resurface a moment later attached to a web and pointing a middle finger in his direction.

Fortunately for them, and unfortunately for wrong-doers, tonight was full of crime. Wade and Spidey stopped three purse-snatchers, two muggings, a drug deal, and caught a dog that escaped from its owner on a night walk. 

“What’s his name?” Spidey asks as he scratches the underside of the dog’s neck.

“Duncan,” the girl replies fondly and snaps a photo on her phone while Wade watches affectionately from the side and well out of frame. 

“Aww, he’s such a sweetie. My so- er, uhh, my _sig_ nificant other, my ex, always wanted a dog. Yeah.” Spidey stands up and brushes dog hair off his suit. 

“Right… You should definitely get one. Not a cat. Thanks again, Spider-Man and uh, Deadpool,” she nods and wraps the leash tighter around her hand to tug her border collie away while Spidey waves. 

“I like cats way more,” Wade sniffs and crosses his arms while he watches the girl walk away. 

“I’m totally a dog person,” Spider-Man says and covers his mouth over his mask with a hand as he yawns. “Whew, I should really be getting home now-”

“Whaaat?” Wade whines and droops his shoulders, “What gives, Spides? You’re never out on the weekdays anymore. Also, how come we never ever get food anymore? That’s like, our thing! It’s only 1 o’clock, anyway!” 

“Sorry, DP, I’m tired and I got work tomorrow and-”

“Boo, _boooo_ , lame! Old-man Spidey, too old and boring to stay out and get food with his buddy,” Wade pouts.

“Hey! I’m not old or boring! I should just really get home-”

“What? You gotta girl waiting for ya, or someone else? Hm?” Wade presses and steps into Spider-Man’s personal space. “You said it was _your ex_ who wanted a dog?”

Spidey narrows his eye lenses and says, “If I get food with you, will you stop bugging me?”

Wade fist pumps, “Don’t worry sweetcheeks, I got ya covered. We can get you a dog no problem.” He once again slings a heavy arm around his friend’s shoulders and guides him to the nearest hot dog vendor.

Once they were comfortably seated with their legs kicking against a brick PR office that was under fire for supporting Wilson Fisk, Wade decided to pry.

“So…” Wade begins and Spidey looks at him and pauses mid-chew with his mouth comically open in preparation to take another bite.

“You said you’re stressed?” 

“Mm,” Spidey resumes and takes his bite. He frowns as he chews and swallows before responding, “Yeah… personal stuff.”

“C’mon, Webhead, do I have to annoy you into doing anything with me? How long have we known each other? Surely you can tell me a little bit about what’s going on inside that sick and twisted, bug-infested mind of yours,” Wade prods and scoots closer.

Spider-Man sighs and deflates before cracking, “I’m… supposed to babysit my friend’s son but, I can’t. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with the kid.”

“Dang, that reminds me of my own situation. Ellie got suspended today! Punched some twerp right in the nose, I’d say I’m proud but it’s pretty inconvenient for me,” Wade says and crumples up his hot dog wrapper. He chucks it into a trashcan below them and watches it fall perfectly in the hole. “M-M-Moneyshot!” Wade claps.

Spidey scowls and raps his fingers against the cement. “Yeah, well, I’m kinda screwed, to be honest,” he huffs.

Wade blows out his cheeks and thinks. After a beat, he replies, “I mean, I could look after the brat. I already got one annoying fourth-grader to watch, what’s another kid?”

Spider-Man winces, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

Wade shrugs and looks down at the street, “Thought I’d offer.”

After an awkward couple of seconds, Spidey inhales sharply, “Are you sure?”

“Well, yeah. I’d do anything for you, Webs. You know that,” Wade tells him sincerely.

Spidey nods and says quietly, “I know.” He leans closer into Wade’s space.

Neither of them says anything when Spider-Man places his hand on top of his. They fall into their customary banter and, like usual, their shoulders end up brushing every time they laugh or gesticulate wildly, and neither of them mind when their space becomes invaded. It’s a quarter past three when Spidey decides he really needs to go back home. 

“I’ll tell my friend to bring the kid to your place at seven tomorrow, sharp. Sound good?” Spidey looks back at him as he prepares to cast another web into the night. 

Wade hums and watches him contently while swinging his legs. “Yeah, Spider-Man, sounds great. If you haven't noticed, I’m pretty good with sharp things.” The right eyehole of his mask winks. 

“That’s very reassuring to hear,” Spidey snarks and stretches his back. He turns and looks over his shoulder at him, so Wade assumes he smiles when he proceeds, “But, thanks, Wade. I’ll make it up to you, I swear.” And then with a flick of his wrist and thwip of a web, he’s off zipping through the streets of Queens.

Wade watches him disappear around the block before he stands up and makes his own way back home. 

\- - -

Peter tries to convince himself that organizing a playdate for his son with the girl that had gotten him and herself suspended after nearly breaking his nose was a good idea. He doesn't forget that their babysitter is a mercenary either. He rationalizes that this is an opportunity for Benji and Ellie to make amends and potentially become friends. 

When he entered the school’s office, he’d instantly recognized Ellie from the countless photos and videos Wade’s eagerly shared with him throughout their friendship. He can imagine Wade’s smiling face watching his phone fondly while swiping through his camera roll and showing Peter picture after picture of his daughter.

Surprisingly, Peter’s anxiety is pretty mild after agreeing to let his best buddy help him out.

Peter doesn’t have many other options anyway, he’d considered asking the Fantastic Four to watch his kid, but figured they were too busy balancing intergalactic space missions with raising Franklin and Valeria. He also suspects that Reed will instantly connect the dots between Spider-Man and Benji.

“Make sure to be good for the Wilsons, and remember to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’”

“Yes, dad.”

“Don’t fight with Eleanor, either.”

Benji sighs deeply as they climb the stairs together toward Wade’s apartment, “I won’t.”

“Good. And, obviously, make sure you ignore the uh, _spider_ in the room,” Peter smiles down at his son and fixes his hair. Benji nods and adjusts his little red backpack while Peter clears his throat and knocks on the door. He pointedly ignores that Wade flipped the six in his apartment number to a nine so it can read ‘469.’

Peter lightly knocks twice and the door flies open to reveal the face of a masked Wade Wilson. The eyeholes of his mask widen comically when he realizes who’s standing in his doorway.

“Ah, friend-of-Spidey’s, you’re exactly on time.” Wade chuckles slightly and leans against the threshold, “Well, I wasn’t expecting this. I also don’t believe I caught your name the last time we met.” 

“Peter Parker,” Peter extends his hand, which Wade shakes with his own gloved hand. “I can’t thank you enough for watching Benjamin for me, and I can pay you when I come to pick him up around five later today.”

“Oh, there’s no need. You get the wall-crawler discount, free of charge.” Wade winks at him through the mask and holds Peter’s hand with both of his.

Peter laughs pleasantly, “You’re certainly a gentleman, Mr. Wilson, especially when compared to my behavior at the meeting yesterday. I want to apologize for that.” Peter relaxes his eyelids as Wade grazes his thumb over Peter’s knuckle.

“You had an understandable reaction. Ellie's a punk.”

An offended, “Hey!” echoes through the apartment behind them.

Peter smiles warmly and slowly retracts his hand, “As much as I’d love to stay and talk with you more, I can’t be late to work. Thank you again, Mr. Wilson.”

“Please, Mr. Wilson was my father. I much prefer Deadpool, or Wade, if you’re nasty.”

Peter laughs and adjusts his bag on his shoulder, “Okay, Wade,” He smiles slyly and ushers Benji forward, “take good care of my kid, or I’ll tell Spider-Man.” 

Wade raises his right hand while Peter directs his attention back to his son.

Peter bends down to tell him, “Don’t forget what I told you, ok? I’ll be back later, and I love you very much.” Peter smiles and extends his arms, which Benji returns with a hug.

“I know, I will. I love you too.”

“Okay,” Peter stands back up and glances back at Wade before looking back at his son. “See ya, kiddo.”

“Bye, dad.” Benji smiles and watches Peter descend down the hallway and disappear down the staircase. 

He then turns around to look up at Deadpool.

“Do you like Xbox?” Wade asks and steps back to let him into his apartment.

Benji sniffs before stepping inside, “I prefer Playstation.”

\- - -

Wade did _not_ consider that the kid he’d offer to babysit for Spider-Man would be the same sucker that his daughter is currently beefing with.

So, similar to how he deals with most of his issues, he elects to face the show-down between Ellie and Benji head-on. 

“All right, just like ripping off a bandaid. Benjamima, I’m sure you’re acquainted with my daughter, yeah?” Wade asks while he watches the young boy carefully set his backpack next to his untied shoes. 

The kid makes a sour face for a split-second before he replies, “Yeah, I know of her.”

Wade chuckles and looks at the dining room table where his daughter is furiously scribbling on a piece of printer paper with a worn-down crayon.

“So, speaking of the devil, Ellie, come say hi to Benny here.”

Ellie pauses to look up from her masterpiece, sets her jaw, squints at Benji, and menacingly says, “Hi, _Ben_.”

Benji flares his nostrils before responding, “Hi, Eleanor. The purple around your cheek really brings out the crazy in your eyes, by the way.”

If looks could kill, Benji would already be laying in his grave. Ellie focuses her anger into her nasty glare and on the poor red crayon that snaps in her grip. 

“Bruises go away in days, but crooked noses last forever,” she quips back. 

Benji self-consciously touches his nose before responding, “You don’t punch hard enough to alter the bone structure of my face-“

“Now, now, children, play nice. Otherwise there won’t be any dessert after breakfast,” Wade interrupts in an attempt to ease the tension. 

“I already ate…” Benji looks away from Ellie in favor of gazing into the kitchen. 

“Then what am I supposed to do with all these waffles?” Wade motions toward the looming stack of waffles teetering on the counter. “Surely you have some room left in your stomach. Go sit down and I’ll make you a plate, and no fighting at the table.” He points to his masked eyes before jabbing two fingers in their direction while Benji sits as far away from Ellie as possible. 

Wade serves both kids a stack of three waffles with a heaping of butter and a boatload of syrup. 

Benji clearly hadn’t been satisfied with his breakfast earlier because he begins devouring the waffles while Ellie eats at a slower pace and casts repulsive looks in his direction.

Wade nudges Ellie’s leg with his foot underneath the table to grab her attention.

“Hey, don’t you have something to say to Benji?” He asks and glances over to his daughter while he cuts into his own stack of food. 

“Nope,” Ellie says right before plopping a forkful of waffle into her mouth. 

“ _Eleanor_.” 

She releases a long groan while chewing her food and proceeds to drop her fork and knife onto her plate with a clatter. She rolls her eyes and says, “Sorry for punching you.”

Wade, feeling very pleased with his parenting abilities, looks at Benji expectantly. 

The kid squints at her disbelieving while helping himself to another waffle. 

“Right, just like I’m sorry for trying to compare a superhero to a mercenary,” Benji glances over at Wade sheepishly, “No offense.”

“Uh, none taken, although, my S.H.I.E.L.D files say ‘former mercenary-‘ How old are you again? Nine?” Wade furrows his eyebrows and watches Benji with a perplexed expression while Ellie chews her food angrily. 

His only response is a short nod while he sips his orange juice from a bendy straw.

Wade only briefly considers the idea of accepting payment from Peter when he returns to retrieve his smart-ass son. 

Benji finishes his second breakfast before everyone else and excuses himself from the table. Wade and Ellie watch him quietly as he rinses his plate and places it into the dishwasher. 

He looks back at Wade and Ellie staring at him while he dries his hands with a towel.

“Um,” He says, “What’re we doing today?”

“I was thinking about maybe going to the park or the zoo, or maybe the aquarium. Whatever you kids want, really,” Wade replies and takes another bite of his food.

“The zoo sounds fun-” Ellie begins.

“Can we go to the aquarium?-” Benji says with her in unison. They then turn and glare at each other.

“Why not both?” Wade smiles and begins searching for tickets on his phone. 

The zoo doesn’t open until twelve, but the aquarium opens at ten. Wade drums his fingers on the wooden table before abruptly standing up.

“I’m gonna go print our tickets, can I trust you to be alone for like, two minutes?” He asks.

Benji once again replies with a little nod while Ellie groans, “Yes.” 

“Good… now, be civil.” He points two fingers at his mask and then toward them before disappearing around the corner. 

While waiting for the printer to finish _chk-chk-chking,_ Wade listens to the tell-tale noise of voices rising and then the loud clatter of a plate breaking, followed by more bickering. He pinches the bridge of his nose and counts to ten.

“This is going to be a _long_ day.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been sitting in my wips for a long time, but I've kinda lost motivation to keep writing. I have some other projects I'm working on, but if you enjoyed this don't be afraid to leave a comment or shoot a message to my Tumblr (@asifseenontv)! Let me know if you'd like me to add a second chapter, I also have a sequel in mind. ;) Thanks for reading!


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